Darth Fuji

So the day that I had been dreading had come, the “safe” indoor clinics and classes at Body Concepts had now progressed to practical clinics actually on the bike out on the road. Not only did I need a suitable bike but I was also concerned that my lack of recent cycling experience and physical fitness would be my undoing. I just didn’t feel ready; I had been struggling for so long trying to figure out how to get back into some sort of physical shape.

It was only in the past week and a half, after getting some much needed advice from “The Wizard” (Rob Kopitzke), that I felt that I had begun making some good progress towards the eventual goal of “fitness”. After the big "Thud”, I was at a real low point in my morale and had all but given up on myself. Late last month I had attended a class at Body Concepts about training where I was able to ask The Wizard about my challenges of training with CFS.

For those who may not be up-to-speed on my saga: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) can do a nasty number on your health. Recovery from illness, injury or exhaustion can become a life altering ordeal. Overtraining is dangerous, especially for someone like me who is caring for a rambunctious toddler alone for 8 hours a day. I have to be able to function to care for my son –and two daughters, two step-sons and a racing husband- so working out is often something I have been too afraid to take on lest it made me too weak to care for my family. The Wizard had a solution for me that was so practical and logical that I felt like a complete idiot for not thinking of it myself: he advised that instead of one longer work-out session break it up into several smaller 10 to 15 minute sessions spaced hours apart.

So for this past week and a half I did yoga in the morning, took my son for a brisk 15 minute stroller walk during the day and then throw in something else like a short ab workout, tai chi or running after the kids at the park. The result? I lost five pounds. So with those kinds of results do you think I would miss out on taking a skills clinic with The Wiz for lack of a bike or a little anxiousness of my own abilities? As one of my students from Bryan College would say, “Oh, he-e-ell nah!”

Now that I had decided to go I had the other problem to solve: What does one do when one is signed up to go to a cycling skills clinic and one has no ‘cycle? The short answer: you borrow one.

My loaner turned out to be a sleek, black carbon-framed Fuji. When I lifted him for the first time I felt an electric jolt. The lightness was unreal; it was a paradoxical entity of power and ethereal beauty. I admit that I was intimidated and fearful, his dark carbon frame held a Force I couldn’t fathom and wasn’t sure could be harnessed by the likes of me.

It was a deal with the devil, if I wanted to make that skills clinic I had to make an alliance with the Cycling Sith Lord: Darth Fuji. I had to wonder if he would even deign to carry me: would he blow a tube at the indignation of being ridden by a woman still packing too many baby pounds? Would he crack in frustration at a frightened, physically limited CFS sufferer who hadn’t ridden more than 30 total minutes since the loss of her last bike several years ago? His frame had carried the likes of riders like The Punisher and my husband! Even if Darth Fuji would agree to carry me, could I even carry myself? And yet, Darth Fuji and I showed up to the clinic last weekend; a mismatched pair as you ever saw.

To say that I was anxious was an understatement – I was, in fact, TERRIFIED! I didn’t care how well I did at the skills I was just hoping that my body wouldn’t give out on me, forcing me to drop out of the class early. I was also plagued by visions of not clipping out in time crashing to the ground and damaging an expensive and insanely light carbon bike. Darth Fuji was intimidating but he was also beautiful and I could not bear the thought of marring his frame or the shame of returning a borrowed bike in anything less than perfect shape. I was shakier than a Cat 5 Squirrel. God, please don’t let me wipe out one of the other students!

We met at the Body Concepts office and mounted our bikes to ride out to the bike trail. The myriads of doubts in my mind were only exacerbated when I found that clipping in and out of my left pedal was about as smooth as a budget vote for the California legislature. Was it that the pedal was just worn out from age and years of use or was Darth Fuji already showing his displeasure using dark powers of the force to make me yield to the dark side and turn back home before it was too late? Would my world explode with millions of voices suddenly crying out in terror, only to be suddenly and forever silenced?

With all of these thoughts running chaos through my brain I somehow I managed to wobble my way along at the end of our pack until we arrived at a straight stretch of bike trail as our final destination. My back was already aching from being stretched out on a bike set-up for a much taller man to ride. We had lowered the seat to help but the stem was too long and had my arms way too far extended. Over and over I tried to shake the knowledge that I was going to bail, going down in the flames of insult and injury. It was only when Rob began to speak that my mind calmed and I focused on what he was explaining.

We were to start with braking skills. He set up two BC water bottles filled with a day-glo orange liquid spaced about ten feet apart as markers. We were to head down the trail, return at a quick pace and practice braking beginning at the first “cone” and ending at a full stop before reaching the second “cone”. My legs quite literally shook and if it weren’t for Linda’s humor I think I might have just turned around and headed for home. She galvanized us students and took the lead in braking drills.

From the very beginning I was scared to death of the tight u-turn we needed to make on the trail and I have more visions of disaster: these with me taking a turn wrong and Darth Fuji sliding out from under me. Linda was perceptive; she saw my worry and once again came to my rescue coaching me to lead my turns with my eyes, looking to where I wanted to go with the bike. It worked like a charm and I thanked her to which she responded that she was only repeating advice she had heard Rob give over and over again to other riders.

Once I was turned around I became focused on the problem with clipping in and out of my left pedal. So much so that I made a mess of the drill, clipping out way too early over and over again. I will admit that I am an incredibly slow learner -easily the slowest learner in the class- but I understand this weakness of mine so I try to make up for it by repeating the drill over and over and over and over until I pound it into my wee unreceptive block of a brain. I rode up and down our small stretch of trail braking repeatedly and when I felt fearful I punished myself by going faster and faster. If I didn’t learn how to brake I would go down on asphalt for my failure.

It was then that the tide changed for me. Between Rob’s confident and encouraging coaching and the thrill of speed all the doubts fell away. The adrenaline hits and the fear melts away, it washes away my weakness and clears my mind. A small voice far, far back in the recesses of my mind warned me that I would pay for my repeated bursts of speed but I was having so much fun with the drills and with the new skills I was learning that I put my faith in Darth and The Wizard and let it all go. I was free, no longer worrying about kids and bills and everything else.

Today I sit here writing this blog and I am shaking all over. My legs are weak and I know that every ounce of energy I have today must be saved for caring for Jax and helping the older kids with homework. My juice is gone, I am weak and recovery will be a few days of as much rest as I can scrape up interspersed with gentler workouts. But despite my exhaustion I feel STRONGER; more able to take on the world, more joyful and more hopeful. Now I just have to figure how to weasel another date with Darth Fuji for the next Body Concepts skills clinic…